Lost Control

Have been looking forward to seeing this piece for a few weeks now. The reason why is simple. Anton Corbijn has been directing it and the details of the life of singer Ian Curtis has so far been unknown to me.

The movie delivers what I expect. A young man's struggle against his demons, his rise to success and fame and the downsides to that, his feeling that the more he gives of himself the higher the demands are.

The foto is beautiful and sets the atmosphere perfectly for the Manchester area / late 70's era that it is to depicture.

It has as been generally authorised, the widow's memoir of her life with Ian has been the base for the work. But Anton has also had contact with Ian's mistress Annick and the remains of the band helped with recording the soundtrack and letting him in on their memoires.

Well all in all, a great film, great music, an intruiging character is portrayed - we get in to his
epilepsy, his depressions, his love for music, his isolation.

---

Underground poetry typed while on the Underground in the underground.
This last few days my town has been feeling cold, so cold ...

Storstaden - en teater för en stum publik
Storstaden - en scen utan aktörer

Så många personer - så opersonligt
Så mycket ljust - så lite värme

Mörkret lägger sig över byn
En vilsen själ stirrar ut från tunnelbanefönstret
Ett hjärta står berett att ta emot dig med öppna dörrar
Storstadsisen kyler

---

What if you slept?
And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed?
And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven
and there plucked an strange and beautiful flower?
And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand?
Ah, what then?

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I hope you woke up in heaven,
and that this all was just a dream.

.: You'll be missed, dear Friend :.

---

Quite understandably I didn't see it fit to post the experience of the fight saturday in this post. The euphoria and rush felt there don't go well in hand with today's events. I'll just leave it with a song title from Kent, explaining it in my own way.

05. Kent - Ett Tidsfördriv Att Dö För

---

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world....?

Louis Armstrong

---

Dear Diary ...

.: Diary-thread detected. Disregard this post's intellectual value
and well .... it might not even be comprehensible :.

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster.
Buddy leaving Norway for Dubai. Got replied by an hmail on gmail.

Tomorrows fight has had butterflies circulating
'round my stomach now for more than a week now.

It is not fear that grips him...
only a heightened sense of things.
Cold air in his lungs...
wind-swept pines moving against the coming night.
His hands are steady... his form perfect.

300

But nonetheless. I have been tense as a violin string today.
Waiting to go off with a * s p o i n g *
The week as a whole, o I don't know where to begin.

Monday: - saying goodbye is never easy.
But I guess a: "You will be missed around here, mate" worked ok
Wednesday: - fat, salt and alcohol, the cornerstones of any diet. A great dinner
Thursday: - Back in Black - Blacksmithing @ Marcus' Parents-in-law
Friday: - mail + violinstring scenario
Saturday: - even if it is sitll twentythree minutes away, I dare say it'll be a day to remember. But for what ...well only time can tell.

---

Note to self:

No doubt could either be an American rock band or:

No doubt! would be a request to the auther to stop doubting himself.
To wake up and smell the Coffee.
Self-righteousness aside how can I not be happy being me ;)

Just Be!

---

Sometimes there are people whose path comes to cross yours.
And even more rarely these persons come to shed light,
come with advice and show you a new world.
One of them would run you through a Maraton -
walk the highest mountain.
One of them will be missed around here.

Best of Luck Mate!

What would you bring?

Halfway throug Generation X by Mr Coupland
we readers are to think of what we will bring:

"I want you to tell me something first;
after you’re dead and buried and
floating around in whatever place we go to,
what’s going to be your best memory of earth?"

"What one moment for you defines what it’s like
to be alive on this planet. What’s your takeaway?"

"I want to hear some small moment from your life
that proves you’re really alive?"

An example of what the characters answered would be:
snow. That is the answer Claire gives. Snow.

My direct and immediate reply would be. P a i n.
Not a conventional one I suppose,
Not the most streamlined - mainstreamed one.
But I am quite comfortable with answering that.


Being a kid at fifteen, skateboarding was great fun.
I loved the sport, loved the gang. Never had any particular technique -
I rather went for speed, height and risk.
Usually ending up hurt, blue, bruised and full of joy!

Beeing a Scorpio. I would rather feel pain, than to feel nothing at all.
I want to be fully immersed in it, deeply and passionately involved.
(Life for you is not a spectator sport). (Quoted from astro-site)

Beeing a grown (?) up man, in the ring, ready to fight.
Adrenaline rushing to the brain, senses sharpened.
Pain is my reminder, my receipt. I live - I am alive:

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls, City of Angel's soundtrack

Sure I will remember the smell of roses
I will have a sense of what a kiss tasted like
My hands still recall the softness of skin
My heart will beat upon thinking of h e r

But my takeaway, my one thing that defines
what it's like to be a l i v e. That will still be Pain

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real

NIN - Hurt

If you still think the answer is too morbid or
leaning too much to the dark side.
Think about what you do when you wake up from a dream
and want to make sure you are awake - that you are a l i ve.
Yeah, you pinch yourself - who's the masochist now? Huh? ;)

Get Under My Skin

A weekend came and went.
A hometown seen and left.
A mother, a grandmother.
A sister, another one's sister.
A cousin, a friend.
A beer, ten beers.
A comeback, to come back.
A kiss, a smile

---

Friday held nothing special, whisky and wow.
A great meal a good night's sleep with fresh country air.

Saturday saw the comeback of adamskater,
accompanied by Johan and documented by Tine.
Was great fun to get back to something I haven't
done in well 8-10 years and still be as good (... or bad)
as I remembered I was when I last had a board
under my feet. The next session is hopefully not that far off.

Rest of the evening saw a thai-dinner,
a night out, a kiss, a smile, friends and fun.

---

Kent är döda - länge leve Kent

Read an article in Café with my favourite rockers.

Jag har länge varit övertygad om att folk egentligen inte lyssnar på texter. ... folk lyssnar inte på vad som sägs

Jocke Berg

That said, be it irony or not. Their new album is out tomorrow
(in stores in Norway 15th, in Sweden 17th !!! )

And their position on my pedestal was never threatened,
a band like that needs to fuck up way much worse before
I get them down from there. Name-dropping Martin Gore
as a good writer in the same interview for instance
saw them back up there before they'd even started to fall

---

Get Under My Skin

I want you under my skin
I want to share my secrets

I want you to see
I want you to listen

I could give you my heart
I could give you all

Just get under my skin
And don't be afraid of what hides within.

(Background: did last winter some reading on Scorpions
and found some of the descriptions to go hand in hand with my own thoughts.)

Sun in Scorpio:

For you, this lifetime revolves upon the theme of experiencing your emotional depths, and penetrating the surface of life to explore the hidden, dark, secret or taboo. What lurks in the shadows or in the inner depths of the human soul is what concerns you, and it is your task to become aware of and express what you find hidden there. What society at large may fear or repress, you are fascinated with and drawn to experience and understand.

With you it is usually all or nothing, whether you choose total celibacy or complete immersion and involvement. A really loving intimate relationship can be tremendously healing for you also, especially if you allow your partner to see who you really are, including those aspects of yourself you usually hide and consider ugly and unacceptable. Being unconditionally accepted by another may be the first step toward embracing your own "darkness", which will be a lifelong lesson for you.

Extract from www.keplersoftware.com/Karisamp

Multi-faceted

Hello darkness my old friend-I've come to talk to you again

Simon & Garfunkel - The Sound of Silence

It won't be all that black, not bad at all actually.
Just noting that October 1st is passed and the themes
might change with that - even though my intention is to stay light!

Fly on Denim - Summer 06.

I see myself as a varied person.

I try to cater well for my pot-plants,
I can swing a beer or ten (... with varied results)

I can spend an evening reading Shakespeare,
As much as I can appreciate Dumb & Dumber.

I think of myself with some knowledge in french cuisine
But do not mind indulging myself in a Big Mac

But this is in no way me saying that I am c o m pl e t e -
Oh no, far from - saying that would be quite disrespectful.
But the times they are a-changing Dylan sang and I hope to live by that!

---

I'm a lover not a fighter
-I write, I think, I paint, I dream
-I never pick a fight, I stay out of trouble

I'm a fighter not a lover
-I kick, I punch, I throw a knee head high
-I am still single ...

Well if I learnt something of my two years out, my one year drought,
It has to be that the old saying has to be remade in to:

The Catch is better than the Chase

---

Well about this fighting.
I might have said it before,
and I am sure I will say it again.

But I am so glad I have found my niche
I really enjoy the training-
the sweat, the camaraderie, the discipline, the bruises.

I do think I walk a taller person when I train regularly.
I stand more upright. Feel more confident. Less concerned.

Tack Eirik, Tack Frontline, Tack Mamma - see you saturday!

My First Love

I might be exaggerate a bit in the title,
cause I am quite sure my first love
was not a set of notes and lyrics
but rather a being of flesh and blood.

But I wold never the less want to dedicate
a post and some writing to this phenomena.

There are those, I've heard, who put their faith in deities other than this but I would rather say that Music is my Faith and Religion then.

It is a cornerstone, a comfort, a helping hand
Something who never lets you down -
Something that is always there

It can bring back a memory,
help put words on a feeling,
put a smile on stiff lips,
And it can surely channel angst

Music was my first love
and it will be my last.
Music of the future
and music of the past.

To live without my music
would be impossible to do.
In this world of troubles,
my music pulls me through.

John Miles - Music

My own playlist has seen some songs come and go,
but there are a few tracks that always brings back the same
sensation and feeling - and I use them in almost the same way
to this very day.

RATM - Settle For Nothing
Depeche Mode - Sister Of Night

---

I like clouds.
Not that I am an overly pessimistic person. Nor do I have an attraction to the dark sides of the mind (...well - yeah I do, but that's another story).

But I do like the perspective they bring. Without clouds in the sky there is just sky. Surely the sky is magnificent to watch,

- but give me a cloud
- let me see the depth

Just to appreciate the light even more!

.: Every silverlining has a cloud :.

I've got it in me ...

Well four months of preparation has now gotten me past
the finish line of my first (and last ...?) Maraton.

Unlike my Greek predecessor I didn't drop down dead
when I had laid the 42.195 meters at my feet,
but there were some times - or well the last 12 km -
when that did indeed feel like it would be the case.

I was prepared for the first 30 km and i knew I had them in me,
the time for the first lap (21 km) was going according to plan
and we passed Rådhusplassen at almost two hours on the minute.
And the next 9 km was quite ok as well,
but after that it just gets indescribably tough.
My only ever 30 km run had some of the elements in it,
hips starting to strain, calfs cramping, headache setting in,
and the new experience: I started to get emotionally unstable -
all I wanted to do was just run (sorry ... take a cab) home and cry.

"You are not prepared!" - Illidan Stormrage

Now I don't wanna argue with good ol' Illidan,
but well - I was prepared for a 30 km run but not for the full 42.


And of couse - all in all I am quite happy
I went through with the lap, and the fact is that
I know now that I can go through and reach my goals.

Adam Gump signing off
Adam Hump signing on :-)